Quest For The One

On a winter’s day, worthy of a Tolstoy introduction with its unnerving degrees below freezing and a wind chill to rival an ice bath, I was given this article to write. At first, I really didn’t have a lot of answers. I love romance fiction myself but truly to put it into a logical, framed box as an article is, I wasn’t sure.

But I knew that if I did some questioning of family and friends, I would find out why forty percent of the bookselling market is devoted to this genre and why it sells so well.

Here are some of the answers. Not surprisingly, many of these are the intangibles in our lives.

Renewal:

We could have a truly lousy day at work or at our home business or as a parent. The boss could have gone completely crazy and assigned fifty projects due tomorrow. Or the fax machine in our home office could have eaten yet another fax which we now have to phone someone about and impress them with our office equipment. Maybe your two year old has discovered how to cut and run from the breakfast table with jam dripping down his toddler fingers and oh no, he’s headed for one of the clean rooms! Many days, life can be chaotic.

When all the craziness of day to day life needs to be returned to a balance between living and reacting, there is nothing better than stepping into a romance.

Romance readers report having a sense of renewal after they submerge themselves in a happy, love story. It’s a way of getting the day’s dirt off our shoes and sitting down to relax.

A literary tome wouldn’t do for the occasion. A mystery wouldn’t be quite right but a romance is always the hero of the day.

Hope:

Romance readers also reported seeing a sense of hope in books about romance.

Maybe you’re true life romance needs a little repair and a weekend in Bali, but fall into a book and they have it so much worse. I still remember a book I read years ago when the main character had done something out of character and mooned a car which of course turned out to be driven by her new boss. She spent the whole book, more or less cringing anytime she saw him for fear he would recognize her birthmark. From embarrassing, to desperate to any kind of random misfortune, the heroines and heroes get it all.

As human beings, we need to have a sense of hope and when our own spirit is battered, why not a romance?

If you’ve read the story of Pandora’s Box, in amonst all of the awful things that escaped, hope escaped too. As an avid reader of romance fiction myself, I truly believe that romance offers hope. No matter the obstacles, the main characters get to work overcoming all the reasons why the world is rotten but then find throughout the book the moments of hope, the spirit to go on. Romance readers are treated to hope in every book that truly is a romance.

The Predictability Factor:

While not every romance is exactly the same, we can take the guess work out of a book by selecting a romance right away. We can know for certain that at the end of the book, we are promised a happy ending.

For this reason, most romances try to stick to a general appearance of a romance.

Sharing the Hero:

And naturally, we can also assume that women read romance in droves for the heroes. Think of some of the heroes you may have read. They are usually gorgeous, tortured, complex souls that absolutely would melt the heart.

Truly, I think many women just want to entwine their own lives in reading of these men who will do what it takes to solve the day’s problem.

If you’re looking for a romance and feel you have to hide the cover from the store clerk, forget about it. Women have been reading romance forever and you’re justified a good romance book any day of the week. Just don’t forget to turn off the stove before you tune into a good romance.

Marriage was once the fundamental institution in America. Some question if this is true these days and a look at trends in marriage tends to make one wonder what is going on.

One of the most shocking marriage figures is that the number of marriages is rapidly decreasing. Contrastingly, divorce rates are higher than they have ever been. At present around 50% if the population within the United States is married. Many couples that are living together are not married. Why are more and more couples choosing to live together while avoiding the act of marriage?

While there can be no definite answer to this question, it can be assumed that many couples are simply afraid to wind up in divorce court. Divorce laws are strict within a number of states, and sometimes it is better for a couple to simply live together rather than become a married couple. If you are married, and you are having some trouble working out issues, consider talking with a counselor before you decide to become divorced.

Other, slightly depressing, marriage numbers include: 34% of males are on their second marriage; the median age for divorced males is around 39 years old; and around 5.5 million couples are living together without any plans to marry. Quite a few decades ago, living with your significant other without marriage was considered extremely taboo. However, times have changed and so have marriages, but this doesn’t mean that married people do not have a chance at a successful relationship.

Even though politicians may set bad marriage examples and it seems as though hardly any marriages last anymore, those that do last are much more meaningful. Think about it - when was the last time you heard of a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary? To remain married to the same person for that long requires commitment and trust - two things that can be easily achieved with a bit of help.

Today’s marriage trends are not all that inspiring, though they may just turn around in years to come. Before you decide to call it quits, speak with a counselor and get the help you need. It may be hard to take the first steps, but when it comes to marriage, most problems can be worked out.

Perhaps you don’t meet people in the course of your daily life, or you’re not connecting with the right type of person. First of all decide what you have to offer to a future partner, by working out what sort of things interest you. No one is going to like all these options, but they are ways of widening your circle of friends.

1. GOLF

Golfing is a male activity, get lessons and join them on the course. Men network on the golf course all the time, take it further and progress to flirting. Even if you are not good at sports, the men will most often be encouraging of your efforts.

2. GO TO A SPORTS BAR ON GAME NIGHT

Why watch big sporting events at home when you can hang out a sports bar complete with big-screen TV, electronic sports games?

This is a particularly good way to meet people if you are sporty yourself, impress the guys with your knowledge. Sport is a participation event and it is a lot more fun watching in a group than alone.

3. VOLUNTEER TO WORK FOR A NON PROFIT ORGANISATION

People who are prepared to give a little of their free time are often very caring people, capable of passion and commitment, there are loads of group activities, that mean you can widen your circle of friends, with the same interests. There is always the possibility of a relationship progressing to a date.

4. JOIN A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN

If you are politically inclined and have an interest in which you are prepared to give up some time, this is a good way to find a date. Not only that but you can be sure if you have both joined to fight for the same cause, then you have at least one thing in common. If it does not work to find a date than you have lost nothing, but will have at least widened your circle of friends.

5. EVENING CLASSES

You do not have to be academic here, it is not necessary to study Physics. Find out about something that you have always wanted to learn. Take the time to study another language, or do something “arty”. Art classes depending where you live, cover a very wide base from sculptor, to water colors. Men can always be found in a class about car maintenance etc.

6. TAKE SOME CRITICISM FROM YOUR FRIENDS

Marketing yourself to find a mate is not always easy. Take some advice from friends who have embarked on a successful long term relationship. If you are always attracting the wrong sort of person, ask a friend why they think that is the case. If you have a healthy emotional life, you should spot fairly on in a relationship that someone is going to hurt you. Realise your own worth, some women do really believe that they are not worthy of being loved. Boost your self esteem. If low self esteem is a problem, then try and look at the tip below.

7. ENROLL IN A SELF-IMPROVEMENT WORKSHOP

Men sometimes tend to be more into self improvement than women. However, any body who has taken the steps to enrol and participate in this type of activity are probably sensitive, the chances are they are also looking to interact with other sensitive people. It’s a great way for men to find out how women think. Be positive you may not meet the man of your dreams but will probably have boosted your self esteem.

8. JOIN A GYM

Even if you are fit and healthy you can always find men in a gym. If you are not fit, then getting fit is a great way to boosting you self esteem. Being fit gives you a better outlook on life and you feel much better. You are also more relaxed when you look your best.

9. READ “IF THE BUDDHA DATED,” BY CHARLOTTE KASL

Buddha means the enlightened one, or one who is awake. Kasl gives you the best advice about how to make, but very significant changes in your life. Part of her advice is to literally make room for a partner in your life. If you have a single bed get a double, if you have only one pillow buy more. She also has some great tips for attracting new people in your life. This isn’t mandatory by any means but it will appeal to you once you start reading.

10.STAND BACK AND TAKE STOCK

Men are not lost souls, they are not hiding away. You will have far more chance of connecting with someone if you are personally fulfilled. If you are into sports big time consider competing in a marathon. Take a creative writing course, change you career. Make yourself happy, and have some fun

11 JOIN A HISTORICAL SOCIETY

Even small towns have historical societies, which will search and record the local events in your area in the past. Most of the will probably be male.

12. GET COOKING

O. K. so you know how to cook, often men do not and they will join a cookery class. This is a good one - believe me.

13. LEARN HOW TO PLAY POKER

Most poker players are men, find out how to play, and then join a game.

14.GO TO A BOOK SIGNING

Here is were you can guarantee that you will find someone with similar interests and intellectual pursuits.

15. MAKE MEN FIND YOU

Since the earliest days of mankind, a woman can show a man she is interested in him, the smart one’s let him think he is doing the chasing. This is the twenty first century and you can show a man you are interested in him. Catch his eye and then immediately look away, but then look back at him. If he finds you attractive, he will think he has fond you, and will most often make a move.

Author & Publisher Billy Baker - You can gain a vast array of more relevant guides from these sites along with other helpful tips and special surprises at this online dating service or http://www.datingxlence-resources.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Billy_Baker

With so many now the products of so-called “dysfunctional families,” it’s easy to see why disillusionment with love and marriage has become so prevalent. Of course, there are two sides to every coin. Some choose to overtly reject the idea of marriage, secretly hoping that what they’re looking for will come along, secretly envying all those happily married couples. Others choose to “fall in love” quickly and idealistically, rushing into marriage in an attempt to fill that gaping void in their life, only to find out too late that they made a mistake and that the t.v. romance, in reality, does not apply.

Too often I hear people say to me that they “don’t want a relationship” and express their disillusionment with marriage because of the following statistic: “50% of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce.” I decided to look up divorce rates for 2007:
1) The divorce rates are different for different ages: http://www.divorcerate.org/

The breakdown suggests that people who marry later in life may be making more mature decisions about long-term relationships and commitment.

2) Divorce rates have fallen to lowest level since 1970 http://www.boston.com/news/local/new_hampshire/articles/2007/05/10/us_divorce_rate_falls_to_lowest_level_since_1970_but_why/

There have been speculations that divorce rates are lower not because of better relationship decisions, but because couples are living together without getting married. While this may be true, I think this theory is pessimistic and leads to an increased skepticism in marriage and commitment- a skepticism that the American society does not need.

What people do not realize is that this disillusionment with love and marriage is not new. It has been around since marriage was first established as an institution. Divorce, in fact, can be seen as a blessing because it does not force two people to live together when they no longer love eachother. How many more of Henry the 8th’s wives would have been condemned to death if it were not for divorce?

In Christina Rossetti’s poem, A Triad, she speaks of her own disillusionment with love and marriage. She describes three women, each of whom realized that love was not all it was cracked up to be: “One shamed herself in love…one temperately grew gross in soulless love, a sluggish wife…one famished died for love…” A Triad was written in 1856.

So, for over 150 years, individuals have come to personal realizations that love is not what they thought it was when they were 15 years old. They see their mothers locked into domestic captivity, reading romance novels, searching for what their womanizing and cheating husbands are no longer providing to them. They see their fathers running from obligations, running from their families. And yet, all this time, despite the disillusionment, people have still somehow managed to get married - and sometimes stay together.

In the hospital, I have seen couples happily married at 80 years old, holding each others’ hands through sickness, telling me that they love each other more and more each day.

That leads me to the following question: what makes relationships work and what makes them fail?

While modeling, I met a photographer who worked with her husband out of their East Prairie, MO home, at least 2 hours from anything resembling a city. They had been happily married for over 30 years. “How did you meet?” I asked. Nowadays, the answer to this question is often “Match.com,” but if you ask older couples, you often get the best stories.

She was in Tennessee for a weekend and met him at a party. “We got to talkin’, and found we had a lot in common. Well, I knew if I left, I wasn’t gonna’ never see him again, but I wasn’t ’bout to move in with a man I wasn’t married to, so we got married.” While I do not usually believe in “love at first sight,” I have heard other similar stories.

I think the key is to analyze yourself and figure out what you want and what you cannot tolerate in another person. Then, finding a relationship becomes easy - you just have to have patience and wait to find what you are really looking for. And then, if and when you get married, you won’t need to end with divorce - or condemning the other person to death.

We all yearn to find that certain someone in life. That one person we all know we were meant to be with. The person who God put on this planet to make you whole. It’s not easy; it’s a journey. But with the right attitude and a little bit of hope, hopefully we’ll make it